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Here are some signs of relational and developmental trauma:

Do you have trouble knowing what you need or want but are you well aware of what someone else needs? Or, you do know what you need or want but you can’t hold onto it while in connection? 

Do you take excellent care of others and never let anyone down but neglect or sacrifice yourself? 

Are you as loyal to yourself as you are to others? 

Do you have a harsh inner voice that is unkind to you? 

Do you people please or avoid conflict as a way of staying safer?

Do you feel empty?

Is it hard to know what you’re feeling? 

Do you have a history of attracting self focussed people? 

Has someone made a decision that affected you, but you paid the price? For example, a partner who quit their job to pursue their passion, but you were forced to bear all of the financial burden for their decision. 

Do you find yourself having trouble letting go? 

Do you keep trying and trying to no avail? 

Do you take responsibility for something even when it’s not yours? 

Can you endure things that aren’t good for you? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then working on these themes could be important so that you can let go of any unhelpful patterns and feel fully resourced within yourself and in the company of others. 

Families are supposed to be oasis of safety, love and support. Sometimes however, a family is a war zone and a source of ongoing trauma. Or sometimes it’s simply emotional neglect from parents who were emotionally neglected themselves. Or any of the other many combinations that show up in families.

If your parents and/or siblings were unkind to you, or if there was addiction, narcissism or cruelty present, then you may have a distorted view of yourself as ideally, the healthy family provides us an accurate reflection of who we are while building our self-esteem and supporting us in our excellence.

Somatic therapy invites a greater awareness of the mind / body connection and facilitates healing through the connection of mind, body and nervous system. In this way, trauma may be healed and the burdens of the past, lifted. Talk therapy is wonderful but when combined with somatic therapy, it’s transformative. 

Therapists need support too. We may come from difficult or traumatic backgrounds and are drawn to join the helping profession. Sometimes we might struggle to take care of ourselves while taking excellent care of others. Yet the more resourced we are, the more we have to give as giving from a depleted place helps no one. If you are a therapist in need of support, know that I’ve been as dedicated to my own healing through therapy as I have to my lifelong professional training and education.